I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
