I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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