I need help removing her.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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