I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
