I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
