Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
