yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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