He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
