oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
