just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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