She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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