k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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