can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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