the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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