He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
