I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
