I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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