Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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