My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
