loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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