guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
