we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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