i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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