Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
