look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
