I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
