sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
