Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
