the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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