he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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