Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
