You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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