i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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