I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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