4 words: hood of his car
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
