what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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