he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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