currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
