This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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