You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
