OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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