I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
