I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
