I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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