I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
