My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
