things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
