I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
