Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
