I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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