I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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