just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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