I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
