just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's like iHOP with fire
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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