so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
