I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
