Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
