smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
