dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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