I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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