I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
