She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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