Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
