The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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