I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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