that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
