I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
