I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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