Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
