I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize