I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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