All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
