you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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