I hope mine doesn't look like that
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
