Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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