i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
