It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
